this is to a girl who got in my head
by mizuharas
Summary: Instead, you can feel Al's eyes on you, can see the words forming behind the emeralds: You love her, you love her, you love her.


_x_

_this is to a girl who got in my head_

_with all the pretty things she did_

_hey, you know, you keep me up in bed._

**konstantine, something corporate**

_x_

You don't even know how it happened.

_x_

Kissing Lily Luna Potter is like kissing a wildfire. Wild, passionate, and _hot_, the girl's lips never stay in one place for long; one minute they're moulding perfectly against yours, the next second they're trailing across your jaw, then down to your neck – all while your hair is shifting colours like mad (most other men would get the familiar heat pooling in their stomach to their groin and you get that, too, but that damn hair always gives your feelings away, and you suppose you have the best of both worlds except not really.)

"Well, that was nice," She says cheerfully once finished, snapping you out of your reverie and adjusting her short, silver dress that barely reaches her thighs. It takes a moment for her to realise that one hand is still wrapped around your waist; she pulls it away and the warmth that previously traveled up your body leaves as her hand flies up to adjust the small tiara on her head, a present from Harry for her seventeenth birthday party. 'Which was today,' you remind yourself, and hope that maybe that—that kiss is enough to sustain her.

"Teddy?" Lily's voice, yet again, interrupts you from your thoughts. Your eyes snap over to her emerald green eyes, your own eyes a dazed, greyish blue. "Thanks. For the kiss, I mean, Lysander was being a right prick a few minutes ago!" She scoffs and rolls her eyes at the Scamander twin. Your stomach drops about ten feet.

"The… Lysander? What- why was he… _What_?" You stammer, your mouth hanging open and your hair rapidly shifting colour, arousedhopefulsurpriseddread_sadness_.

She giggles and stands on her toes, kissing your cheek. "Thanks for coming to my birthday party, Teddy," Is all she says before disappearing into the crowd, presumably wrapped around Lysander – or Lyasshole, as your mind has now named him.

It doesn't really come to you until you're leaning against the bar that Harry had so thoughtfully provided for the adults: Kissing Lily Luna Potter really _is_ like wildfire.

Destined to leave destruction in it's wake.

_and i don't understand all the things you've seen, but i'm slipping in between_

_you and your big…dreams._

_x_

It takes a full two weeks before you go back to the Potter house. The invitations inviting you to dinner had been piling up, and Victoire had started to ask questions and Merlin, you didn't need that. You don't need Victoire either, but it's safe, and if you break up with her it won't be quiet or you won't remain friends. It will end with a screaming match, many of your valuable things broken, and maybe you ending up being drawn and quartered from Bill and Fleur.

From the moment you arrive at the Potter's house you could tell something is off.

James greets you as he does normally, a one armed hug and a 'Ah, mum! Dad! There's a stranger in our home!' which has been the routine for him since he was six and you sincerely doubt now that Ginny or Harry would even believe their son now if he yelled that out.

Harry and Ginny welcome you in warmly, informing you that you look a bit skinny lately (Ginny) and that the Ministry has a few job openings for you (Harry).

Albus smiles politely at you, gives you a handshake; but he's strangely distant from you, his green eyes (ohgodohgodohgod just like Lily's) knowing.

_Lily._

And that's when it hits you.

"Where's Lily?" You ask in what you hope is a casual manner, sliding your hands into your jean pockets. The rest of the family turns to look at you, all surprised except for Al who can't get that bloody knowing look off his face.

"You didn't know?" James asks incredulously, lifting his head up from _Wizard's Weekly_ to gape up at you. He shakes his head, "She went off to Romania the second after her seventeenth birthday, mate. Lils said she feels 'at home' with Uncle Charlie, whatever the hell that means. Who could feel at home near _dragons_?" James says, more to himself than the rest of you, shaking his head once again at his sister.

You can feel your throat close up and it's sad, really, that you're feeling this way over a seventeen year old when you're so close to thirty. So much for you and Lily being 'best friends forever'.

But shit, Romania? Dragons? "O-oh. Are you sure that's safe? I mean, we all know how reckless Lily can be!" The words come out before you can stop them and even worse, you can hear the worry in your voice and you know everyone else can too. Thankfully, they brush it off as the same kind of worry that James has for his sister: that big brother protectiveness.

That has you chuckling a bit – _If only they knew,_ you think dryly.

Ginny's reassurance comes in the form of a slow nod and a "Charlie's been doing this since he was born, practically, and he'll keep her safe. Besides, you know Lily; you never can stop her once she puts her mind to something. She'll get the lecture when she gets home."

Her words do little to comfort you, but you don't bring it up for the rest of the evening. Instead, you can feel Al's eyes on you, can see the words forming behind the emeralds: _You love her, you love her, you love her._

_spin around me like a dream_

_we played out on the movie screen, and i said_

_did you know i miss you?_

_x_

It's five months since the dreaded birthday party and five months since you've last seen Lily. The Potter-Weasleys invited you to a party in order to celebrate… what was it again? They had parties for everything, where it gotten to the point that they just call you up with a 'Ted, come on over!' and you know something was happening – and there always seemed to be _another_ baby being born or another wedding.

It's going to be so awkward, with Victoire and all the other couples and the glares from Bill and Fleur. _Even though I did nothing wrong,_ you tell yourself as you walk up the steps to the house, hair a light shade of green and your eyes a muddy, anxious brown. There were other girls you tried to date, but their hair was always a shade too dark or light, or there were six freckles on their noses instead of the twelve you knew and loved for seventeen years. You're so lost in your own thoughts that you don't even notice the flash of dark red hair – or, well, you do, but there's nothing exactly out of the ordinary with red hair in the Weasley family.

And then—

"Lily, you're back!" Dominique exclaims happily, nearly dropping her champagne glass to the floor as she runs over and greets the petite redhead. "And who's the bloke with you, huh?" She giggles, nodding in the direction of the alabaster skinned, stormy eyed boy with Lily, a completely disinterested expression on his face. As if on cue, the whole family turns to look at him (and it would be comical, you suppose, if it wasn't Lily) their mouths hanging open as they take the scene in front of them in: Lily Luna Potter hanging off the arm of _Scorpius Malfoy._

As if on cue, your stomach drops. This isn't how it was supposed to- you were supposed to be prepared, for Godric's sake!

It's going to be a long night.

_x_

Two hours and four glasses of firewhiskey later, Lily approaches. Or rather stumbles into you.

"Why so jealous looking, _Rosie dear_? Jealous that for once, I can actually get what I want?" Lily is yelling at her cousin, walking backward and not paying attention to where she was going. A shock of red hair collides with you, knocking your drink over and spilling it down your shirt.

Deep breaths, Teddy.

"Oh, my—sorry, Teddy!" She turned around, a smile on her face, but her eyes… the once brilliant green eyes were empty, dull even. You can't remember a time they were ever like that; they were burning since the day she was born.

"S'fine," You slur, reaching out to grab her shoulders and steady yourself. "L-Lily?" You ask, everything turning into a blur – her red hair mixes in with the lights and her eyes are blurring with the trees outside and oh god you can't handle it. "Why… why'd you leave me? After-after we kissed?" You let out a noise half laugh, half dry sob. _Real manly, Lupin._

A smirk twisted her full lips by way of answer and she eyes you mysteriously, those dazzling eyes lighting up at last as yours turn murky. "Payback, Ted," Is all she says before disappearing back into the crowd, seeking out Scorpius and leaving you with a million thoughts flying through your head at the speed of aeroplanes.

_and then you'll bring me home,_

_and we'll go to sleep but this time not alone, no_

_and then you'll kiss me in your living room, oh i know you miss me in your living room_

_x_

Lily disappears again. This time, it's for two months and it's to the dragon reserve again. Scorpius was a one time thing, it seems.

Your hair and eyes are black the whole time she's gone and shit, you really are far gone, as your eyes go from that green to black all too quickly. Lily green.

Everything is going by slowly, a blur. You're just another person moving through this life.

_x_

It's another three weeks before you see her again. Three agonizing, torturous weeks.

(torturous in the fact that your routine consisted of eat-sleep-call Harry and ask about Lily to the point where he turned the floo off)

You finally catch sight of her, sitting alone at the ice cream parlor you used to take her to when you were both children. Hesitantly, you walk over there.

"Lily?" You ask, sitting down at the seat across from her. She looks up, startled, her eyes empty still.

"Oh. Teddy, hello," She says quietly, tugging at a string on her grey hoodie that you know is James'. "Why are you here?" She asks after several minutes, her eyes boring into yours. Her hands move from the table back to her lap, never staying in one place.

"Why am I here? What do you—Jesus Christ, Lily! You can't just- you can't just up and leave, especially not after what happened at your birthday party! Leaving isn't exactly fair to me, you know," You say, unable to keep the hurt out of your voice. You can feel your hair slowly changing to dark blue; sad.

She laughs bitterly, leaning closer to you on the table. It is frightening; here is this girl, this vibrant, bright girl transformed into this fallen, empty young woman. "Because, Teddy, because! It wouldn't be right to not get some kind of revenge on you, yeah? I mean… it's not exactly fair to me."

"Fair? When have you ever been _fair_, Lily Luna? These past few months, weeks… how do you think they were for me? For your family, your friends—"

She's yelling at you now, her face flushed, "My family knew where I was! And it's not bloody fair, Teddy, that I was in love with you and yet you just sat back with Vic! Like I was nothing, and that you- you ignored the signs! You ignored _me_, even. Wanker," She hisses, her face a few inches from yours.

You're sure that had you not had that cup of coffee this morning, you would have fainted.

_I was in love with you._

The colour drains from your face, your eyes turning a soft brown, hair a light turquoise. "You.. bloody hell, Lils, I didn't _know._ I'm so old and you're so young and—why me?" You shake your head, "No, don't answer that. I'm sorry… If I would have- if I had known, I dunno what I would have done. You were too young for me." You sigh and run a frustrated hand through your hair.

"I need to know, though, Lily. Did you ever stop?" You take in a breath, not sure if you want to know the answer.

Without missing a beat, she does not disappoint. "No."

A smile breaks across your face, the first genuine one in months. "Good," You whisper, before leaning forward and closing the distance, kissing her.

She loves you, she loves you, she loves you.

And for the first time in a long time, you think maybe everything will be okay.

_x_

_a/n: _this is my first story i've ever uploaded onto here, or written for this pairing. it was inspired while listening to something corporate's _konstantine_, if, you know, you didn't catch that. reviews are always welcome and i am up for constructive criticism! :)


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